The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of this old disease. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim. It's pronounced "Gonna re-elect 'em," and it is a terrible obamanation.
The disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior involving putting your cranium up your rectum. Many victims contracted it in 2008...but now most people, after having been infected for the past 1-2 years, are starting to realize how destructive this sickness is.
I saw this is an email and think it defines the NY Times to a Tee...
A Harley Rider
A Harley rider is passing the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly..
A New York Times reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life..'
1). Zero Gravity
When NASA started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside-down, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C.
The Russians used a pencil. Your taxes are due again---enjoy paying them.
2). Our Constitution
‘They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don’t we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys; it’s worked for over 200 years and hell, we’re not using it anymore.’
American Condom
The government today announced that it is changing its national symbol to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.
Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that!! Don't you think??!!
I came across this in an email and it doesn't get more accurate than this
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Ice Cream & The Election
Excellent analogy!
From a teacher in the Nashville area.
Who worries about "the cow" when it is all about the "Ice Cream?
The most eye-opening civics lesson I ever had was while teaching third grade this year.
The presidential election was heating up and some of the children showed an interest.
I decided we would have an election for a class president.
We would choose our nominees. They would make a campaign speech and the class would vote.
To simplify the process, candidates were nominated by other class members.
We discussed what kinds of characteristics these students should have.
A co-worker of mine emailed this to me and boy is it so true…
A guy named Joe, who happens to be a plumber with ambitions for a
bigger business, questioned and challenged a guy named Barack, who
happens to be running for President of the US; the leader of the Free
World?
And within 24 hours the Media has given us more information about Joe's life than they've given us about Barack's life in the past 18 months!
Thanks to a diligent press corps, we now know about Joe’s professional licensing status, his income tax situation, his employment history, his domestic squabbles, his voting record, everything associated with his personal identity; his education…. It’s probably been reported somewhere whether he wears boxers or briefs.
I have just learned that the American Nurses Association (ANA) has announced their endorsement of Senator Barack Obama (D-IL) for president. The ANA represents the interests of the nation's 2.9 million registered nurses. The article states, "As President, Barack Obama will bring real change to our health care system", said ANA President Rebecca M. Patton, MSN, RN, CNOR. We as nurses are consistently voted the most trusted profession by the American people. If this is true, how can the ANA support a person who has been connected with Rev. Wright, William Ayers, et. al.
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